Bi-Mon-Pan-Dis-Comm #3

Well, it's that time again...No, not Christmas...It's time for Bi-Mon-Pan-Dis-Comm. I have a few things to discuss, so let's get right to it. As always, let's first introduce our participators:


Mark Shields: Political Commentator, Syndicated Columnist for Chicago Tribune, Had Role in Broadway Production of Oklahoma (that is actually true).








Colossus: Russian Super-Hero, Steel Skin, Queer












Ferdinand Fochs: World War I Marshall of French Forces, If this is the guy that won, imagine what the Generals who lost in World War II looked like.













Solid Snake: Snake Eater, Skilled Special Ops.















Grim Reaper: Death, From Norway














William Tecumseh Sherman: Union General in the Civil War, Looks Crazy










Socrates: Constantly Asking "Socratic Questions"













Socrates: Brazilian Soccer Player in the 1980s














Machiavelli: I'm glad we finally have a coherent reasonable group. Well, as we all know Christmas is approaching. Over 95% of Americans celebrate the holiday, but some are concerned that we have lost touch with what this holiday is all about. What do you think, Mr. Shields?

Shields: The reality is that Christmas was never really about the birth the Jesus. Since its beginning it has been an adoption of pagan rituals and just generally a time to throw a good party. In fact, up until the mid-19th century it was not even aknowledged by most Churches in America (aside from the Episcopalian and Catholic). During the 1870s and 1880s it really was a time for the Irish and other Catholic immigrants to start riots and such. So to ask if Christmas has drifted from its message ignores the entire history of-

Death: Pardon the interruption, but I think I need to interject....

Shields: Umm...Okay.

Death: I would just like to say that this is the gayest committe yet. I mean we got the Russian flamer in one corner and this French faggala in the other. This one guy over here is Greek (need I say more) and the soccer player's shorts are way too short. Don't let me even get started with Mr. Snake Eater.

Snake: F U

Colossus: You guys...come one...can't we just get along. Let's stay positive. Let me just say, Socrates (Brazilian) has absolutely fabulous fashion sense!...it's so American Apparel...I just luv it.

Fochs: (Takes a bite out of a baguette)

Machiavelli: Alright, let's try to avoid insults, Death. Just stick to the topic.

Socrates (Greek): Where am I?

Sherman: No, I'm going to have to agree with Death on this one. This is a real sausage party. Come on, why don't you ever get any poon in here? Instead I have to sit here in constant surveilance to make sure that my snake isn't going to be "eaten."

Snake: You're dead Sherman.

Death: No, I'm dead!...or Death...hahaha...I crack myself up sometimes.

Machiavelli: Anyway, Socrates...what do you think of the holiday situation?

Socrates (Brazilian): Que?

Socrates (Greek): What?

Machiavelli: I really thought one of you would have more to say.

Socrates (Greek): What is this?

Sherman: It's your hand! Can I leave?

Machiavelli: No. If I can't, you can't.

Colossus: O my God! I just spilled ketchup on my pants...they're ruined. I think I'm going to die...(scurries off to restroom)

Death: You should invite that Galactus guy back again, he really helped things along last time.

Machiavelli: I'm already regretting it (Looks over to Foch who's putting on one of those striped shirts and adjusting the seat on his bicycle). Let's try something else. Time Magazine decided that this year's person of the year is...you! According to Time, user generated content (as in You Tube or this blog) was the most significant development of the year. What do you guys think?

Sherman: That's a bunch of bullsh*t. How can everyone be the "Person of the Year." It doesn't even make sense. I mean-

Snake: (Sneaks up behind Sherman and snaps his neck).

Death: Doesn't that break one of your debate rules.

Machiavelli: Strangely...no.

Death: Now who's going to burn down Atlanta? That Fochs guy? hehe.

Socrates (Brazilian): Onde esta o Sr. Fochs?

Machiavelli: Good question.

(strange noises emanate from the restroom. upon further listening, it appears to be very aggressive mixtures of Russian and French)

Death: Well, this is awkward.

Sherman: Hey, Snake, why don't you go join them? hehe

Snake: Do you want me to finish the job?

Death: I thought you killed him.

Snake: No, just a sleeper.

Death: pfft...wimp.

Snake: You're next.

Death: I'm getting out of here...that guy's really weird. Plus, it's even gayer than last time. (Exits)

Socrates (Greek): Who are you?

Shields: Is he talking to a chair?

Machiavelli: Probably...who cares. I think it's time to end this.

Sherman: There better be some chicks here next time.

Machiavelli: I'll do what I can...Stay tuned for next time where there will definantly be at least one girl.