We Shall Have Our Revenge!

In a highly controversial game, the Frankfurt Galaxy beat the Hamburg Sea Devils 20-17.

Despite the Sea Devils valiant efforts, they could not overcome the Galaxy's rampant cheating. Throughout the entire game, Galaxy players took cheap shots and relied on uncalled holding penalties to stifle the Sea Devil offense and defense. It was an awful spectacle of the worst kind of football.

Meanwhile, 3 interceptions that were returned for TDs were called back by the officiating crew on very suspicious grounds. On the first such play, the refs called it back based on an offsides call, but instant replay showed no movement. On the second, defensive pass interfearence was called on a player who is no longer with the team as of January 2005. The last return for a TD that would have won the game for the Sea Devils was called back because of an illegal shift, even though this is strictly an offensive penalty.

The Hamburg players were heartbroken, and rightfully so. They were cheated out of a victory yesterday. When head referee Thomas Blind was asked about the questionable calls he revealed that he had been unduly influenced: "Frankfurt always has big crowds and they're known for attacking referees for 'unfavorable' decisions...The truth is that those fans are cruel, violent, and smelly. I have a family to raise after all." According to umpire Will Jones, intimidation was not restricted to the fans: "One player, who I'm not going to name, showed me a picture of my wife and kids tied and gagged in what appeared to be a basement or an attic. He said that if I called holding on him, he'd mutilate my whole family...I was scared."

When asked to comment, NFL Europe commissioner Bob Guy responded, "NFL Europe has a strict policy of not using instant replays to make decisions. However, in future games held at Frankfurt we might think about reconsidering. I mean one fumble by the Galaxy was overturned because it was ruled an incomplete pass. That was despite the fact that O'Sullivan (the Galaxy QB), pitched it to the RB. It just didn't make any sense." He added, we will have to look in to reports of threats and see if any criminal actions may have occurred. Sea Devil WR Rich Parson commented, "that game was bull sh*t. I mean we could have tied the game with a field goal with the last play, but they took down the goal posts! So, we had to go for a hail mary. As I was going to go start my deep route, the CB just tackled me. I'm pretty sure that's a penalty."

The Sea Devils will have their revenge!

Machiavelli's 1st Day Draft Grades

Oakland Raiders: B -
-Well, the Raiders needed a QB and they got one. They also gave him a weapon in TE Miller. The truth is that the Raiders need more than just 1 pick. They should have tried to trade...unfortunantly, they made it clear that they weren't going to take Calvin Johnson, so nobody was interested in moving up to anything before #2. Also, they're trade out of the 33rd spot was bizarre, and their failure to take some free-falling offensive linemen is highly questionable. Lastly, the choice of Quentin Moses in rd. 3 is even more unusual considering that their defense was so good last year. At least they did address a weak point.

Lions: A
-The Lions understood that previous busts shouldn't influence how to draft this year. At #2 they were able to get the best pick in the draft. They also picked up Stanton, a native of Michigan, who many thought was the third best QB in the draft. He will be a good long-term project behind Kitna and a good replacement for McCown. Getting Francis may have been a reach, but he will fit in nicely in the Detroit D system

Browns: A
-The Browns somehow managed to pick two of what they considered the top 5 prospects in the draft. However, they had to give up next year's 1st round (which will probably also be high). Picking Thomas was brilliant. Quinn, despite some reservations, does have the potential to be a franchise QB. In the 3rd round they decided ignore character issue warning signs and pick up Erick Wright.

Bucs: B +
-Gruden wanted Calvin Johnson badly, but he wasn't willing to put up the picks to move to #2. In reality, the Bucs need more rebuilding than Gruden thinks and Adams will be a good basis for a new tough Buc defense. You have to praise Gruden for picking the BPA.

Cardinals: B
-The Cardinals were stuck with Levi Brown after Thomas was off the board. Few believe Brown is this good, but apparently plenty in the Cardinals organization thought differently. If nothing else, he will improve a very shoddy line and help protect Leinart. Their move into the 33rd pick to get Branch was brilliant and offsets the mistake of taking Brown so early. I'm not looking forward to seeing the 49ers play up against him.

Redskins: B +
-The Redskins have become well-known for drafting poorly, but they did a good job by taking Landry. Landry was underrated on most mock drafts and I think the Skins did a good job of taking the BPA.

Minnesota: B +
- The Vikings went for what they thought was the BPA despite the fact that Peterson does not fill their needs. The Vikings understand that they need to rebuild their offense. Sidney Rice will help them in this regard. However, waiting to the 3rd round to address CB is a bit risky even if they found a solid guy in McCauley.

Falcons: A -
- At number 8 the Falcons drafted on need rather than on the BPA. Most had Anderson falling to about 13. With that said, he is a fantastic fit for the Falcons. Atlanta also made great moves into the beginning of round 2, taking 1st round talents Blalock and Houston.

Dolphins: F
- Taking Ginn at number 9 was the worst pick in the draft, hands down. The Dolphins have so many other needs and they already have decent WRs. Ginn is not THAT FAST and he is not a particularly good route runner. It was simply terrible. They also took Beck earlier than most projected.

Texans: C
-Whoever is lobbying for the Texans defensive line is doing a good job. If Petrino didn't take Okoye, why would the Texans who have so many other needs do so? They probably shopped for a trade and couldn't get one.

49ers: A or B+
-I'm pleased with the 9ers choices. Their entire grade will be based on whether they get Darrel Jackson from the Seahawks. They needed a WR, and Jason Hill, although an extremely fast prospect, probably won't cut it. They passed on a lot of talent in the 2nd round to get a 1st round draft pick for next year. They did get their man Willis, found what could be a better LT than Levi Brown in Joe Staley, and picked up some interesting players later on, including Hill and Macdonald. It's unclear if MacDonald is a starting prospect at DE or just a 3rd down pass rusher. If it is a latter, they really need to find some kind of run stuffer there somehow.

Bills: A-
-The Bills went right for their needs. They picked up Lynch, who I think can bring a lot to the NFL, about 4 picks earlier than most thought. They also stole Posluszny in the 2nd round, thus addressing their LB problem that they worried about after not getting Willis.

Rams: B +
-The Rams fixed some problems on their defense by drafting Carriker, albeit a little bit earlier than most would have predicted. They were probably hoping to get Jamaal Anderson here. They also found a partner for Stephen Jackson with Brian Leonard in the 2nd round.

Jets: B
-The Jets draft grade is really dependent on how good Revis is. They really stretched to get ahead of the Steelers to pick him even though they could have moved about 4 -5 picks later and got some other valuable CBs (Hall, Ross). Chris Houston wasn't even picked until the mid-2nd round. Picking up David Harris was unusual considering they already have Vilma.

Steelers: B
-The Steelers really wanted Revis, but the Jets came up and stole him. Instead Pittsburgh looked for a replacement for Joey Porter in Timmons.

Packers: B
-The Packers made the bizarre decision to take Justin Harrell with #16 despite the fact that most had him in the mid 20s. With that said, they made a good pick b/c Harrell was so underrated. Plus, they picked up a guy from San Jose State :)

Denver: C +
-The Denver went heavy on defense despite the fact that they had one of the NFL's best last year. The choice of Moss at #17 was a bit early since he's not a every down DE. They have yet to address several of their problem areas, like LB.

Bengals: B
-The Bengals had to go defense and they did so. They snagged Leon Hall much later than anyone predicted and he will probably be a great pick for them. The choice of RB in the 2nd round was a bit odd.

Titans: B +
-The Titans went after important needs(S, RB, and WR), although they neglected their most pressing problem, CB. Considering that both Aaron Ross and Chris Houston were on the board, this was especially strange.

Giants: A -
-The Giants addressed their two biggest problems (CB and WR). Most notably they were able to pick up Steve Smith very late in the 2nd.

Jags: A-
-Trading up to pick Reggie Nelson at #21 was a bit of a steal. He will solidify a defense that is emerging as one of the league's finest.

Chiefs: B+
-The Chiefs had needs all over the place despite their draft position. Bowe will fit in with the offense and 2 DTs in rds. 2-3 (Tank Williams and Turk McBride) will help their swiss cheese defense stop the run.

Patriots: C +
-The Patriots only had 1 day 1 pick and they used it on a future replacement for Rodney Harrison. Merriwheather has serious character issues and just doesn't seem to fit in with the Patriots. They did however get the 49ers number 1 pick for next year.

Panthers: A
-The Panthers had an outstanding draft. They helped out their LB core with Beason, found a future replacement for Keyshawn with Jarret, and picked one of the best linemen in the draft (Kalil)

Cowboys: B
-The Cowboys got a great deal out of the Browns. However, their picks were not that great. They got a pass-rushing OLB in Spencer, but they had several bigger needs on D (the secondary, for example.)

Saints: B-
-People exaggerated the Saints need for a WR and downplayed their need for a CB. Despite great value out of Meachem at #27, they could have used more defensive talent.

Ravens: B -
-The Ravens needed offensive weapons, but didn't really get any. They did address some line issues with Ben Grubbs, but they really wanted Joe Staley...too bad.

Chargers: F -
-What were the Chargers doing in this draft??? They took Craig Davis in the 1st, when a superior receiver, Steve Smith, wasn't taken until the mid 2nd. Davis, by the way, was even overrated for a late 2nd round guy. They then traded most of the rest of their picks for Eric Weddle, a guy they could have got at latest 10 picks later and a guy who doesn't really fit into their system. Apparently they felt they are so good that they don't need to even pay attention to the whole draft process. Truly abysmal.

Bears: B +
-The Bears found a great value pick with Greg Olsen so late in the 1st. Their attempts to deal with problems at DT and OLB (with Briggs possibly leaving) were not adequately addressed in my opinion with the mediocre players they took in later rounds.

Colts: A -
-The Colts gave up next year's 1st round pick, but ended up with an excellent first day class. Gonzalez was a little bit early, but he will be an excellent replacement for Stokely. Trading up for Ugoh was an important need and they found some great steals with Hughes and Pitcock in the late 3rd round.

Eagles: D
-The Eagles had major needs all over their defense and at WR and they didn't really address them. Picking Kolb was an outrageous pick where they got him. They seriously could have got him a round later. Eagles fans will not be happy.

Seahawks: C +
-The Seahawks didn't have a 1st round pick and their 2nd rounder was fairly blah. They did get Brandon Mebane in the 3rd, an underated star from Cal, who should help out their depth on the D-line.

Machiavelli the Magnificient

The 49ers will take Willis at #11 and trade into the late 1st round with either the Patriots or the Bears to get Joe Staley. They will also get a WR and a DE in the 3rd round, one of which will be from Washington or Washington State.

ONLY ONE DAY LEFT!!!!!!!!!!

Until the Sea Devils- Galaxy game.



















Go Sea Devils!

-"It's not a game, it's a party."

Kinda Funny

In The Know: Life Before The Segway

"Outta the Way! My wife's having a baby!"

...no? how about:

"Dammit, we're all out of catfood...honey have you seen my keys??"

...ah...maybe the first one was better.

No F-ing Way!

Slut!

A Vintage Post....hmm, if only I could find more cat picture related comedy...

An ode to our founding father

Machiavelli's 49er Draft Breakdown

A review of who the 49ers could take at #11:

1. Patrick Willis

• Why They Should Take Him: Willis is the best ILB in the draft. He's a monster tackler and has clocked in with speedy 40 times at the combine and his pro-day. He can play coverage, he can blitz, and he is most strong in run support. He was able to make big plays in a very competitive college division (SEC). Willis also has the strong character with a great work ethic that Nolan says he wants. Because the 9ers want to run a 3-4 it makes sense to be drafting linebackers, a position they are pretty thin at. Current starter Derek Smith is getting old and was not very effective last year.
  
• Why They Shouldn't Take Him: Some have commented that Willis, who was a MLB in a 4-3, would be too small to get past blockers in an NFL 3-4. Additionally, the 49ers defense has a lot of holes, and LB is probably a less important problem. They could probably do fine drafting David Harris in the 2nd round or H.B. Blades somewhere in the late 2nd/ early 3rd. LB is not a particularly strong position in this draft and perhaps Willis's position has been inflated because he is the only MLB with 1st round potential.

2. Alan Branch

• Why they should take him: It is difficult to find a player of Branch's size and athleticism. You can't coach size, and at 6-6, 330 pounds, Branch has plenty of it. He would be an ideal fit at NT in a 3-4. The 9ers current starter, Aubrayo Franklin is a veteran big guy, but he doesn't have the stature of Branch and is a newcomer to the team. Branch is the kind of run stopper and anchor you can build your defense around. He would also be a value pick, as some mock drafts have him going as early as 6th. Possibly the BPA.
• Why they shouldn't take him: Two issues have caused Branch to fall: diagnoses of permanent shin injuries and claims that he takes plays off/is incapable of playing a whole game. These are the kind of issues that have some analysts wondering if Branch has bust written all over him. In other words, Branch may be a high risk player, albeit with a high upside. Additionally, NT is also not a drastic team need as they already have two players (Franklin and Sopoaga) to play the position.

3. Adam Carriker

• Why pick him: Carriker would be an ideal fit for the 49ers as a 3-4 DE. DE is probably the 49ers number 1 need. Carriker is excellent at filling gaps and can fill up space for LBs to tackle or blitz. He's also at a position with high draft value.
• Why not: #11 is probably too early to pick Carriker. If the 9ers don't pick him he could fall to 15 or 16 or even later. Drafting Carriker would definitely be a pick based on need rather than on BPA. Carriker is also not a great pass rusher, so the question is why pick a guy at #11 when you could get similar role players in the 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th rounds.

4. Jamaal Anderson

• Why pick him: Anderson is a raw talent athletic DE. He could be a standout NFL pass rusher. He would easily fit into the 3-4 system and at DE he would be a sensible pick for #11.
• Why not: Anderson does not have great technique nor is a good run stopper. He's also been all over the boards ranging from late top 10 to mid 1st round. It's not clear if his size dominance in at the collegiate level will transfer to success at the NFL. As with Carriker, DE is a position with a lot of depth in this year's draft.

5. Ted Ginn, Jr.

• Why pick him: WR is a need for the 49ers. Ginn probably has the second fastest game speed in the draft and is a gamebreaker type playmaker. He's a decent route runner who excels at running slants and go routes. Ginn is also the best KR in the draft, which is another position where the 9ers need help.
• Why not: Ginn is a second tier WR (Johnson being the only member of the 1st tier) and the49ers could probably get a strong 2nd tier guy in the 2nd round. Additionally, history has shown that you can get good WRs in later rounds. Ginn is not really worthy of a #11 pick unless it's a major team need. The 49ers already have Lelie and Battle, so WR is not an absolute must have. Another issue to consider is that Ginn played on a high powered offense in college where his abilities may have been inflated. There is also significant question as to if he can develop into a polished route runner.

6. Levi Brown

• Why they should pick him: Some mocks have him going as early as #5 to the Cardinals, so it is unlikely he will be at #11. Brown is the second best LT in the draft, a position with high draft value and a position the 9ers need as Jennings enters what will probably be his final year.
• Why they shouldn't: Most agree that Brown's value is overrated because his at a important position with very little depth in this year's draft. He's not a great pass blocker, which is a pretty serious flaw for a LT, since that's why you pick 'em (protect QBs blind side). Some have even compared him to Kwame Harris...ouch.

To Bring it all together: In 5 years if we were to rank the top 10 (correction--> 12) players of the 2007 draft, I think they would be:

1. Calvin Johnson
2. Adrian Peterson
3. Laron Landry
4. Jamarcus Russel
5. Patrick Willis
6. Joe Thomas
7. Ryan Kalil
8. Justin Harrel
9. Jamaal Anderson
10. Greg Olsen
11. Gaines Adams
12. Brady Quinn

we'll just have to wait and see.

Kinda funny...

Breaking News: Something Happening In Haiti

Erfolgreicher Beutezug: Hamburg Sea Devils gewinnen Auswärtsauftakt in Berlin

That's right! The Hamburg Sea Devils got their first win of the season by pulverizing the Berlin Thunder 16-7...in Berlin! They were lead by star kicker Shane Andrus who made three field goals. Running back Jermaine Allen provided the touchdown. But the real story, was Hamburg's defense. DBs Shawn Mayer (the Sea Devils all-time leader in interceptions) and Justin Wyatt each grabbed key interceptions (one in the red zone) and shut down the Berlin offense.
The victory marked the first win for new coach Vince Martino.





" It's Not a Game, It's a Party"

I'm sure the demolition the Warriors handed to the Mavericks (in Dallas) won't make him any happier...

Hmm...I got my April 22nd edition early this week

The Magazine Makes its Triumphant Return

Top 10 funny names of animal groups

Now, we've all heard of a murder of crows or a plague of locusts, but I think it's time to compile a list of ridiculous and obscure animal group names: (note: these ARE all accurate, believe it or not...I couldn't make this up if I tried)

10. A parliament of owls
9. An ostentation of Peacocks
8. A tower of Giraffes
7. A gaze of raccoons
6. A romp of otters
5. A fall of woodcocks (wtf is a woodcock?)
4. A shrewdness of Apes
3. A business of ferrets
2. A bloat of hippopotamuses (hippopotomai?)
1. A Storytelling of Ravens

Big News!: Rival site bought out by pro-cat lobbyists!

As some may have already discovered, one of the chief rivals of this site was recently bought out by a consortium of pro-cat propagandists (some of the more decadent members are pictured below). Apparently, they just couldn't handle the competition generated from The Greatest Thoughts Ever Contrived. I respect my enemies and give my condolences and ask them to forgive me for providing the public with such great quality at incredibly competitive prices.













R.I.P.

Der Centurions-Fluch: Sea Devils verlieren im dritten Jahr in Folge Auftaktspiel gegen Köln

As the headline makes clear, the Hamburg Sea Devils kicked off their 2007 World Bowl campaign with a slow start. Despite some heroics from star players Scott McCready and Quentin Griffin, the Sea Devils lost 24-18 in a closely fought battle against the Cologne Centurions. The Sea Devils have much to improve upon, but they also showed a lot of heart and promise.

Next Sunday they will face the Berlin Thunder.

-"It's not a game, it's a party!"

Alternate Mock Draft:

The top 10 if the Lions don't trade their pick...

2. Lions: Brady Quinn

3. Browns: Adrian Peterson

4. Bucs: Calvin Johnson

5. Cards: Joe Thomas

6. Washington: Gaines Adams

7. Minnesota: Laron Landry

8. Falcons: Alan Branch

9. Dolphins: Okoye

10. Texans: Levi Brown

Wise Words with Dr. K

"6 weeks is kind of a magic number for the French, isn't it? They fight for 6 weeks than they just say 'f*ck it,' let's go home and eat some cheese and wine...just let the Germans visit for a while, they'll go home eventually."

Machiavelli's Mock Draft

I've decided to share my expert draft analysis with my readers...aren't you all lucky.

1.Raiders: Jamarcus Russel

2. Bucs (trade w/ Lions): Calvin Johnson

3. Browns: Brady Quinn

4. Lions: Joe Thomas

5. Cardinals: Levi Brown

6.Washington: Gaines Adams

7. Vikings: Laron Landry

8. Falcons: Adrian Peterson

9. Dolphins: Okoye

10. Texans: Leon Hall

11. 49ers: Patrick Willis

12. Buffalo Bills: Darelle Revis, CB

13. Rams: Jamaal Anderson

14.Panthers: Adam Carriker

15. Steelers: Marshawn Lynch

16. Packers: Ted Ginn, Jr.

17. Jags: Lawrence Timmons, LB

18. Bengals: Reggie Nelson, S

19. Titans: Meachem, WR

20. Giants: Aaron Ross, CB

21. Denver: Jarvis Moss, DE

22. Cowboys: Paul Posluszny, LB

23. Chiefs: Dwayne Bowe, WR

24. Patriots: John Beason, LB

25. Jets: Chris Houston, CB

26. Eagles: Anthony Spencer, LB

27. Saints: Michael Griffin, S

28. Patriots: Olsen, TE

29. Ravens: Ben Grubbs, G

30. Chargers: Sidney Rice, WR

31. Bears: Justin Blalock, T

32. Colts: Justin Harel, DT

33. Raiders, Ryan Kalil, C



42. 49ers: Anthony Gonzalez

I'll have rounds 2-7 coming up tomorrow...right

"Big News:" Even players would rather kill themselves than see another season

New Prediction

The Warriors will finish behind the Clippers...but ahead of the Nuggets to get them into the playoffs.