Goddamit!

Important Announcement

I'm not a huge basketball fan, but the Warriors may be the most exciting, entertaining team I've ever seen. Every outing feels like a playoff game. And there's just so many bizarre personalities...





Nice Work, Stack Jack



















Butt fives with Baron Davis and Matt Barnes





















And the suave goofball, Andris Biedrins






















...Good Times

take a look at this

Our Dumb World

I found this on my Kaiser page

A female version of George Michael from Arrested Development?
And is that Queen Latifah in the background?

I gained another game on Keyshawn this week and now I'm only down 5 games. I'm catching up, you bastard!
















next week:

Packers over Cowboys
Vikings over Lions
Seahawks over Eagles
Chargers over Chiefs
Dolphins over Jets
Colts over Jags
49ers over Panthers
Texans over Titans
Rams over Falcons
Bills over Redskins
Browns over Cardinals
Raiders over Broncos
Bears over Giants
Saints over Bucs
Steelers over Bengals
Patriots over Baltimore

Enlightening Article

Holiday Advertisers Seek Coveted Dicktard Demographic

Good Comedy

Here is a sneak peek of the conversation that will go on between Ted Tollner and Jim Hostler this weekend in Arizona.

• Hostler: Ted, it’s 3rd and 9 at our own 9. I’m thinking we run a shotgun draw with Moran Norris.
• Tollner: Interesting, but I notice Brian Gilmore hasn’t seen any action yet. Let’s run the wide receiver screen pass here.
• Hostler: Good call. I’m glad you’re here.

(3 minutes later)

• Tollner: Okay the defense just gave up seven and with Hicks returning we should have the ball at our own 30. So what is your next play.
• Hostler: Frank up the middle.
• Tollner: Couldn’t have said it better.
• Hostler: Okay 2nd and 9. I’m thinking a reverse to Gilmore.
• Tollner: Go for it. I really like Gilmore and if he could have escaped those 7 defenders in the backfield last series he could have scored.
• Hostler: Damn, I thought he was gonna break it.
• Tollner: Can’t win them all. Okay it’s now 3rd and 17. What do you think?
• Hostler: I’m thinking a shotgun draw to Maurice Hicks. I really believe we’ll fool the defense and pick up at least 7 yards. That will give Andy Lee the opportunity to put it inside the 20.
• Tollner: Yes, gotta think about your Pro Bowl punter…we really need to pad his stats.

(7 minutes later)

• Hostler: Cool, the defense held them to 3. I’m thinking right out of the gates a run up the middle with Frank
• Tollner: How about the deep ball to Jackson, he is steady and has great hands.
• Hostler: Will do. This should be automatic seven.
• Tollner: Crap, he dropped it. Sun must have been in his eyes. 2nd and 10. I’d pass to Vernon Davis here.
• Hostler: I don’t know. I like it when Davis blocks. Yes he has the ability to break open a play, but he serves us better as a blocker. I was thinking of a screen pass to Gore.
• Tollner: You’re right, call it in.
• Hostler: Damn, false start. 2nd and 20. Shotgun draw again?
• Tollner: Yes.
• Hostler: Tough break, but hey Gore got at least 10.
• Tollner: We got them right where we want them. 3rd and 10. Let’s throw a 6 yard out to Battle. He should be able to pick up the other 4.

Schaddenfreude

I can't help but enjoy England's humiliating elimination from the European Cup Tournament. England spends more money on futebol than any other country in the world, but all they have to show for it is a bunch of prima-donnas mixed in with some husky talentless oafs. England lost to a country with one semi-competitive club team (NK Zagreb), a population of 4.5 million, and a GDP probably equivalent to what the English spend on tea. The British have lorded it over Continental and Latin American soccer for years and use their mega-media and English language to make the United States think that England is a real soccer powerhouse. It isn't and it hasn't been for at least 40 years. They're a joke. Lousy coach, overpaid and overrated players, a few rare talents (Gerard, Ferdinand, Beckham), and an overall lack of technical skill. I am so sick of hearing the British commentators go on and on about how amazing they are and discuss 'who could possibly beat the English?' and I will enjoy hearing them lament their absence during the Euro '08 coverage.

49ers "humor"

wow!

I went an incredible 14-2 last week, helping me gain two games on Johnson. Maybe the picture of that Machiavelli statue really helped me (nice leg, huh?). I'm now down 6 games.

Next week's picks:
Packers over Lions
Cowboys over Jets
Colts over Falcons
Redskins over Bucs
Raiders over Chiefs
Titans over Bengals
Browns over Texans
Seahawks over Rams
Jags over Bills
Cardinals over 49ers
Broncos over Bears
Chargers over Ravens
Pats over Eagles
Steelers over Dolphins

A follow up...

yeah, I've been there.





...and another (quite possibly the last):












ok...one more...by popular demand:

Not the best, but I thought I should post something

Call in the Vultures: Trent Dilfer to Start

Patriots, satan, already fitting uniform for McFadden, the 1st pick of the 2008 draft.

River City Ransom

River City Ransom

yikes

KJ and I manage to beat the odds and do a horrendous 5-9. In case you don't know, that's really really bad. At least he didn't gain any more games on me.

By the way, the 49ers are horrible.

Next week's projections:

GB over Panthers
Vikings over Raiders
Jags over Chargers
Cardinals over Bengals
Texans over Saints
Giants over Lions
Browns over Ravens
Eagles over Dolphins
Bucs over Falcons
Steelers over Jets
Seahawks over Bears
Dallas over 'Skins
Rams over 49ers
Pats over Bills
Titans over Broncos

Classic

[Warning, this guy is very creative with his profanity]

(Stay with it, it's good stuff)
E.T.

link

"The Power Glove"

link


TMNT: 1

link

And this month's "SANDWICH OF THE MONTH" goes to:

I call it the Machiavelli...
Irresistible!!!

This is real:

The Mustache Cup, to protect any pristine 'stache (stolen from my new favorite site)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

If this isn't funny (at least for the first couple minutes) I don't know what is.

I think that if your percentage is lower than Colbert's you should be required to drop out of the race. Especially if you're only getting less than 1% (I'm looking at you Chris Dodd).

By the way, at one point a poll claimed that in a race of Clinton vs. Giulianni, Clinton would get 45%, Rudy 35%, and Colbert would get 13%!!

Although I've been deliberating for some time, I've decided to officially endorse Colbert for the Democratic Nomination (hey what the hell, the Republican one as well) now that he has conceded. According to my statistics, the "Greatest Thoughts Ever Contrived Push" is worth about 25% percentage points in most national polls.

Alex Smith wishes that were him...

Picks for next week

Seahawks over 49ers
Saints over Rams
Bills over Dolphins
Titans over Jags
Steelers over Browns
Redskins over Eagles









Panthers over Falcons
Chiefs over Broncos
Packers over Vikings
Ravens over Bengals
Lions over Cardinals
Raiders over Bears
Cowboys over Giants
Indy over Chargers

Jerks

Mean Automakers Dash Nation's Hope For Flying Cars

Darkness Ascends

Regardless of tonight's game, KJ moved up 3 games on me this week giving him a commanding (insurmountable?) lead of 8 games. I really thought I'd do better than this.

In other news, the dawn of a thousand years of darkness has begun as evil triumphed over good in the Patriots 24-20 win over the Colts. This morning Belichick celebrated by bathing in orphan's blood.

One last item: Whoa!! What the hell was that? Adrian Peterson broke the single game rushing record with 296 yards against one of the best run defenses in the league, the San Diego Chargers. He did this despite only having 40 yards in the first half, technically still being the backup to Chester Taylor, and playing for the Vikings who have no passing game whatsoever and an injured starting quarterback.

The Top 10 Biggest Sports Battles of Good vs. Evil

1. Baltimore Poor Orphans vs. The KKKers (1902 World Seriers)

2. Allied POWs vs. Nazis (Escape to Victory)

3. Colts vs. Patriots (Sunday)

4. U.S. vs. Russia (Hockey Winter Olympics, 1980)

5. 49ers vs. Cowboys (Like 30 times in the 1990s)

6. Ka'ath vs. Kapak vs. RiGo'toar (Klingon game of KawlnRick!)

7. Zombie Hitler vs. Cyborg St. Francis of Assisi (Madison Square Garden, 2435)

8. Jamaica vs. Arrogant Germans (Bobsledding, Calgary '88)

9. Evil Portugal vs. Heroic, Newly "Liberated" Iraq (2004 Olympics)

10. Liu Kang vs. Shang T'Sung (Mortal Kombat 2)

11. Anybody vs. Yankees, Real Madrid, Lakers, USC, or Pete Sampras