Bon Voyage: Part III

(sigh) it's me again...Death.

To be honest I'm a little tired. I've spent the last couple of days touring France with two imbeciles.

As the Doughboy posted last time, we met up with his insane cousin Monsieur Doughmans and he served as our tour guide. The Doughboy already covered the first couple of days (at least the part of the post where he wasn't completely delusional). Right now he's sleeping, so I decided I'd just get it out of the way and update on what happened the last couple of days.

Well, as the earlier post hinted, relations between the Doughboy and his cousin were beginning to sour. Although the arguments didn't make any sense, there sure were a lot of them. All this friction culminated in a confrontation at the Arc de Triumph. After taking turns screaming at one another, the "discussion" broke down to the Doughboy yelling "biscuits," while his cousin yelled "croissants." To be more exact it was a high pitched "biiiiiiiiisssssssssss-kitttttttttttssssssssss" vs. "Croyyyyyyyyyyyyysawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwntsssssss." This lasted for about 3 and a half hours. Finally the Doughboy broke down crying and ran away We went back to the hotel and he ended up sobbing through the rest of the day and most of the night (as I tried to get some sleep).

By the next morning, the Doughboy's spirits were up, except he didn't want to see his cousin anymore. He was ok until we started breakfast. They served us croissants and he really blew up, demanding biscuits and using rather vulgar language.

After that we headed over to the Palace of Versailles. It was there that I learned that the Doughboy shouldn't be trusted with...well, anything. I don't know where he got it, but he brought an oven with him and he just started cooking...right in the middle of the palace!

I have to say, considering the limitations involved, his cookies were pretty good. I guess he's good for something.

As it turns out, we were both arrested for our activities. Luckily, I didn't have a record, but they had a lot of questions for the Doughboy. Apparently there was an outstanding warrant for his arrest in France based on a scandalous murder. This was all based on a very well-known photograph taken of the event that appeared on newspapers throughout the country (see right). Somehow, he was able to convince the French officer that the picture was of his cousin, Monseuir Doughmans. They believed him for some reason (apparently this Doughmans character is well known in France for...you know...being crazy.) I could tell it was actually the Doughboy, but I didn't say anything. The French are pushovers anyway.

After that, we met with new French President-elect Nicolas Sarkozy. Once again, Ukranian PM Victor Yanukoyvch was there. It was a little bit weird. I think that Yanukoyvch guy is following us. Anyway, he and the Doughboy didn't get along at first. Pillsbury committed a bit of a 'faux paus' by asking why the French are all panzies. Sarkozy countered by asking why Americans liked biscuits so much, since croissants were so much better. I thought it was about to get ugly, but then...the Doughboy just started dancing...and dancing. To my surprise everyone seemed delighted. Boy, was I relieved. I thought he was going to start an international incident, but as it turned out, the dancing was a big hit. Sarkozy even invited him to come back later after his inauguration. If you want to see the whole dance click here. It was quite a show.

To conclude, it wasn't so bad after all. Just when I thought I wish I had the ability to kill myself (one of the drawbacks of being Death), Pillsbury actually pulled through. After all, he got rid of Monsieur Doughmans, we had an interesting time at Versailles (with cookies), and he really brought down the house with the President.

I never thought I'd say this with enthusiasm, but...Bon Voyage!