Bon Voyage, Part II

I found my pen! I can finally write in my journal! ---I'm so excited...I just can't hide it...---

Anyway, for our second destination we visited France...which turned out to be a real piece of garbage. There wasn't a single Giant Wang.






We were met at the airport with a bonjour by my cousin, Monsieur Doughmas (It's pronounced Doe-mah)...I hate that guy.
He showed us around the city of Paris. The whole time he was going on and on about how Croissants were better than biscuits. He was also saying that the best pastries have snails and frogs in them...that's bullsh*t! Everyone knows that cow manure is the best foundation for any desert! He just wouldn't stop. We were at like a cafe...whatever that is...and he was like: "Your food sucks...there's not a single snail in your Chocolate Chip Cookies" and I was like "first of all, there probably are a couple...I mean I put everything in there...but you're a dumbass." I kinda made the "dumbass" sound like "Dumas"so that this French f*ck would understand. Geez, I hate that guy. Even when we were at the Louvre, he was always pushing his stupid French food:Even Death was getting sick of it and usually he's just sick of me. Here this Monsieur guy was bugging us about his snail talk when I was there trying to solve the mystery of the De Vinci code. Apparently a certain Carlos De Vinci had left a code in one of his paintings that PROVES that I am the father of God or something like that. Also, there was this crazy whipping guy who looked just like me except he didn't have a hat and he was slightly taller and also the devil was there eating these weird steak things and I hate Tom Hanks when he's not like acting like that Gump guy and Apollo 13 was pretty cool. The sequel was lame...it was made by Famous Amos probably. Those cookies are so dumb. Not a single bit of cow manure. I should make a movie. It could be about my amazing adventures in Bowland. I met the Prime Minister and stuff and he was ok...And there was this HUGE bowl (that's where the country gets its name, by the way) that was so awesome and totally there. I think tomorrow we'll go visit France...

...to be continued